The Five Minute Pescatarian

Sunday evening, after a dinner of turkey, mashed potatoes, asparagus and wine; I proclaimed to my husband that I was now pescatarian. Rob knows me well. This is my anxiety talking. Something has triggered and I am now pescatarian?? The lies we tell ourselves. This is my language of "I don't feel right, I need less, simpler, easy, I feel bloated, cranky ..." and for whatever reason, I have decided that pescatarian is the cure. I suffer from anxiety so sometimes the act of just proclaiming something makes me feel better...or worse.

Did I mention Rob knows me well? He recognizes this pattern and supports me wherever I am. "Sure babe- let's eat some vegetables and fish."

I feel better.

Rob is always supporting me - in everything

By Monday morning I wake up refreshed. I am now pescatarian! I take yoga, eat some oatmeal packed with berries and chia seeds. I AM nailing this pescatarian thing! I open my Veganomics cookbook...I work on a logo design for a friend. I leave my friend a message (she is actually pescatarian) and I tell her I am pescatarian too! We have so much in common. I tell Julie I am now pescatarian. The pressure is off- I have proclaimed my new identity.

It's now dinner time. I open the fridge to see what I will throw together for myself. Like a moth to a flame, my eyes gaze lovingly at the container of Chicken Salad Chick...the most amazing chicken salad the world has ever tasted. Without hesitation, I open the container and eat a spoonful of MEAT.

I am not pescatarian.

I am Dana and I am anxiously looking for a way to be less anxious.

I tell Julie my fail and like the amazing friend she is, she calls me on my bullshit. "Dana, you aren't vegetarian or pescatarian...this is your pattern. When you get anxious, your need to control something, heightens...and usually you are trying to control how you feel."

BOOM.

Truth: I feel anxious and full of meat and wine. I feel sad. I miss my Mom. I feel nervous about running a business. I feel. I feel. I feel. ...

She's so right. And please, let's all promise to have at least one friend that will always call you on your bullshit. It's necessary and healthy- and for me, that's Julie.

Me + Julie. We brush.

And suddenly a weight is lifted from my shoulders (a weight that I put there to begin with). I have gotten in my own way once again- and it's never too late to step aside.

My anxiety was born at a young age. It sits in a corner always there but not always present. I hate when I wake the beast but I've lived with it long enough to know my triggers. I know that a formula of eating well, exercising, getting good rest, and being easy on myself can help. I have learned that support from my friends and family is necessary. Taking care of my Mom for nine months spun me out into an anxiety tornado that I described as a wild animal. This level of anxiety led me to medication and therapy. I own this. I own this is where I am right now. I share, because I know I am not alone when it comes to anxiety...or grief...or issues with food. Sometimes it can all be tied together.

Sometimes it just feels good to really own your truth. It lightens the load.

Stay easy.

Peace & Love,

Dana Sayre~